Women are like Lobsters.
To be fair, this is 2023. Maybe we are all this passive and complacent. Maybe this is the process of awakening; you just first have to go through the “lobster phase”.
Once Upon A Time
I worked at Red Lobster (this is not the “lobster phase” I’m referring to). Red Lobster, to this day, has lobsters displayed in aquatic tanks at the entrance. Each patron is greeted by these tank lobsters each time they visit the restaurant. This isn’t an adorable marketing ploy to encourage the younger visitors to want to eat there; “Mommy I want to go to the place with the lobster tank”. Au contraire, this is a “name the lobster you want for dinner” attraction. I can only remember one guest ordering a fresh lobster from me. I had to take a lobster out of the tank with a fat pronged rake. I’m anxious not to disturb the lobster too much, even though the poor thing is walking its “Green Mile”. I remember someone stepping in to walk the lobster back to the kitchen for me. This is the closest I have personally come to cooking or murdering a lobster.
Nevertheless, it’s ‘common knowledge ‘ that if you put a lobster in hot water it will jump right out… Nope that’s not quite right. Lobsters don’t jump! Frogs! Women are like frogs!
Frogs:
It is common knowledge that when you put FROGS in boiling water, they’ll jump right out. Likewise, if you introduce a frog into comfortable water temperatures, then slowly increase the heat, the frog won’t even know it’s dying!
This 🦞thought comes to me sitting in the bath. I like my water hot! I also love gas water heaters! The thing is, it’s winter time in the Midwest and as such it’s a cold environment. This is important because the bathroom is an ‘outside wall’ room, and I’ve seen what’s underneath a tub before, THE EARTH. With that said, my hot and steamy bath cooled off much quicker than I would have liked.
I realized just then: I am that frog. I would happily bake myself to death for the comfort of heat. Ice baths on the other hand, count me out!
Frogs Passively Suffer in Boiling Water
And then it clicked! Suffering for the sake of suffering; without realizing that you are suffering until you’re close to dead on the inside, and maybe the outside too. Why will women [or any other human] just sit and marinate in a bad situation? Do they ever know it’s a bad situation?
I have had many traveling experiences, I’ve tasted a variety of food and have had endless adventures seeking new sensations. After contemplating ALL of these sensations, nothing feels as gradually ‘calm to alarming’ outside of your awareness other than a nice warm bath that slowly increases in temperature. How likely are you to notice a gradual temperature change?
Adaptation:
The thing about humans is, we can adapt to fit the needs of our environment. There are studies that suggest that what determines the evolution of a protein is not the ingredients that are already inside the cell, instead the environment around the protein conditions the unique traits of survival developing this protein into its final form, whether that be a bone, muscle, or organ tissue.
Just because you can ‘tolerate’ it, or handle it, or maybe you’re just keeping to yourself because you think this is the way. Even if it’s not as bad as you have managed before, that is the wrong unit of measurement. Reframe your perspective. The trouble is, we’re not talking about jumping into a pot of water, we’re talking about walking into a seemingly calm situation, then being so blinded by the situational stimulus. Think of heat and steam, affecting your breathing and thinking. This was never acceptable before. Now you have adjusted to potentially ignore the heavy distortions of love/affection/affirmations. Only because you’ve gradually been receiving maltreatment as a substitute for love, you learn to accept these conditions as an expectation without even realizing it.
Check your stimulus! If you find yourself in a place without love, or without knowing how to give and/or receive love, I encourage you to watch YouTube videos focused on toddler learning. Control your stimulus. You can always supplement with movies or other media. The brain doesn’t know the difference!
Jump Out!!
I’m here to say Frog, JUMP OUT OF THE POT!! If you want a bath, bring a thermometer next time to measure the temperature of the water.
Hey FROG! What are your exit cues? This does not mean you’re preparing for the end, this means that you bring to the forefront of your mind cues that are non negotiable. When any of these cues arise, you need to remove yourself from the situation, whether temporary or permanent. When water boils it moves faster. When water gets hot, steam starts to appear making it harder to see and to breathe.
I must have forgotten my thermometer, then got myself in some super hot water. I am so thankful for my beautiful support system of family and friends through life who all show up at their time and to continually remind me of who I am. Things do get foggy in the boil.
We’re not getting any younger and it is time to check the water temperature in your enviromentS. Is your life’s vision foggy? Do you have troubles being motivated? Do you have time to feel exhilarated? Do you know what makes you feel exhilarated? When is the last time you laughed from a pure spot? What is on your bucket list? Do you think you could ever accomplish your bucket list? KEEP ADDING THINGS TO YOUR BUCKET LIST! How are you fostering relationships with those close to you? What does self-forgiveness look like? STOP SELF-SHAMING. STOP SELF-SACRIFICING. Are you in control of your power? Have you done Chakra work? Do you realize that this human we have is like a dumb dog who needs trained? The thing we mostly need to do is nourish our brain and heart? Have you been feeding your brain and heart healthy imagery? Do you know that the brain canNOT determine the difference between T.V.(perhaps even all content) and reality. There are so many studies that say if you mentally practice something, you’ll be just as good as those who physically practice the same! NO LIMITS! There is also countless research showing the power of words/emotion/energy displayed as the end result of talking positively and negatively to plants, grains of rice, and even containers of water. There may just be a correlation between the things you absorb and the things you allow in your life.
Love Yourself
Drop the shame. Remember over a long enough timeline that everything, even time spent boiling in water, IS success. Find a new goal, something else to adapt to, a new way of being, and jump out of that hot water!